Ladies, gentlemen, everything inbetween ! Good news are spreading quickly and that’s why it comes as no surprise that no one is here to welcome me back once again. Once again I forgot my password and it took me only 2 years to guess the right one (some call me the psychic blogger..or was it psychotic..).
How times have once again changed and it still feels like I am always writing the same things. The good thing is, that after a 2 year hiatus all my old nonsense is basically new nonsense and much like Hollywood I am also a big fan of rebooting something that once was good or bad to make it way worse. On that note, welcome back, Blog. May you live on forever, but maybe with a tad more frequent…no, can’t make any promises. By now you should have realized the way this works and if you are still here from wayyyyyy back when I was still hip and cool and popular with the spam bots, you’ll know what to expect. However, if you stumble upon this Blog by accident, mistake, divine intervention or Guantanamo torture, let me tell you that this is probably one of the best Blogs to follow in your busy life. Do you know why ? Because I do not seem to post much, giving you way more time for important tasks in your life other than reading a Blog by some random guy who just strings words together in long sentences to detract from the fact that there’s actually no content, which you won’t realize, because you’ll already have forgotten the beginning of the sentence by the time you reach this point.
My last entry 2 years ago promised you news and information and I will give you what I promised…eventually.. For example : Did you know that Donald Trump is now president of the United States of America ? You heard it here first, hot off the presses. Now go out there and tweet it to your friends, their reaction will surprise you, I am sure. He also seems to have done a fine job so far, according to my sources (do not ask about my sources, let’s just say the NSA would be highly interested in them (according to my sources, at least)).
The whole refugee thing happened and you must have waited for some info about that from me, sadly there was none and I want to apologize. As your only source of information, I should really be more responsible and that’s why I will be responsible this time and do the responsible thing by telling you that you really need to find other sites for your news. BUT DO NOT ABANDON ME, BECAUSE MY NEWS ARE THE REAL NEWS…If there are any news being posted, that is…which isn’t too often the case…enough with the scolding. This Blog is not part of the fake press, I can promise you that !
Now that you’re up to date on the world’s events, let me also add that I still appreciate all your gestures of concern, the candy you sent, the bags of fanmail and the tons and tons of cash money you donated to me via bitcoins and other shady sources. Let me especially thank this one Nigerian prince, who promised me quite a great reward for helping him in his billion dollar financial dispute. I have also received 3 emails from Russian ladies who seem to want to meet me, alas I have to decline for the life of a Blogger is a busy one. This Blog is basically my life and I can not let a woman or man or whatever step inbetween me and my duty as a concerned news spreading entity.
And with those humble words of thanks, gratitude and what not, it’s time to close shop for another..unspecified period of time, even though I am…certain…maybe..certain…to an extend…that it won’t take me 2 years again to guess my password. I have acquired a piece of paper (because this is the Blog that made newspapers obsolete and I am grabbing the technological advancements of today by their neck and shake them until I can revert to stone age tested means) and have written it down. Only a matter of time until I lose the paper, but until then there’s gonna be a higher chance of me posting another entry. Isn’t it exciting to go to bed and wake up the next day to check if there’s something new on your favourite Blog ? And then you’ll maybe also check mine by accident..One can dream..For now, keep on dreaming :p